Robert Lamb, Writer

Who would’ve thought that pronouncing a simple name like “Clemson” could give so many people fits?

South Carolinians mispronounce the name, be it the university or the town, calling it “Clem(p)son,” but we have a good excuse: We are Southerners and nobody expects us to talk right anyhow. More to the point, it’s ours and we’ll pronounce it any way we damn well please. So there.

But I, for one, cannot extend that license to outsiders who ought to know better. Repeat: who ought to know better. And that goes double for sportscasters who pronounce it “Clemzun.”

Sportcasters are professional communicators, are they not?

They make big bucks to come down here to broadcast, say, a football game on national TV, right?

Then how come they can’t pronounce the name of the town and school right?

They’ve hung around town all week leading up to game-day.

They’ve talked to (and presumably listened to) people all over town from all walks of life.

They haven’t heard, not one single time, anybody local say “Clemzun.”

But then they get on the air on game-day and mispronounce the name about a zillion times.

Why?

I won’t name names, but the worst offender’s initials are Al Michaels.

Okay, sure, he also murders the simple word “coffee.” (Calls it “quaffee.”)

Come to think of it, that Brooklyn accent of his mangles the entire English language.

Simply doesn’t know any better, I guess.

Okay. I feel better now.

But wake up, Al!